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HAVE A LITTLE LAUGH
Here is a little something that I hope you will get a
laugh from, I know I did. By the Way, just call me "Pinky Chickensniffer". lol
What is your name.........
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to
break up the day, here is your dose:
According to the following excerpt from
a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor
Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new
names. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = zippy
n = pinky
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tulefel
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa
Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your
new last name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker
Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of
your new last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.
Now when you SEND THIS ON ... use your new name as the subject.
And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day, adults
laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your life!!
NEW
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the
dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally he
says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
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Rodney was reading the morning newspaper when he came upon a
study that said women use more words than men. Excited to prove
to his wife, Cathy, his long-held contention that women in
general, and Cathy in particular, talked too much, he showed her
the study results. Rodney read the report to Cathy, "Men use
about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."
Cathy thought awhile, then finally she said to him, "It's because
we have to repeat everything we say."
Rodney said, "What?"
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons
debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
NEW
A guy was at a restaurant and couldn't figure out what to get,
so he asked the waiter whom he knew,
"What do you recommend, Henri?"
"Well, today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with
green beans almandine and a nice side salad, with a succulent
shrimp cocktail and your choice of beverage and dessert."
"That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?"
"We break it to him very gently, and tell him it's nothing
personal!"
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The graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much
will it cost?"?"
A graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a
barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall
and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could
whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape
artist too -- probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could
show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of
handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out
of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked
for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
I’m so broke American Express calls
and says:
"Leave home without it!"
The Rest of Our Lives
Last winter this guy was laid up at home with the flu. His
fiancée called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and
play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the
flu to her.
"Okay honey", she told him, "We’ll wait till after we get
married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each
other sick!"
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
- Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
- A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
- Practice safe snacks - always use condiments.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
- Shotgun wedding - a case of wife or death.
- I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
- If electricity comes from electrons...does that mean that morality comes from morons?
- Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
- Banning the bra was a big flop.
- Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
- A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
- When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
- Condoms could be used on every conceivable occasion.
- Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
One for the Ladies:
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep
for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I
could deal with that, too.
If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of
walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute
cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat
anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you
swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He
EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs.
Yup..... I wanna be a bear.
Mirror, Mirror
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A brunette, redhead, and a blonde went to a fitness spa for some
fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three
decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking
woman sitting at the entrance who said:
"Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest
feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something
truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for
if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to
live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the
brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three"...and
in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of
us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in
her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the
blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was
promptly sucked into the mirror.
Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the French border.
The French Customs agent stops them and tells them: "It's illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro."
"Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the
papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the French customs
agent. "Quattro means 4!"
"Oh, you are so stupid! Call your supervisor over!"
"He can't come. He's busy with the 2 guys in the Fiat Uno."
I hope you enjoyed those, and if you did, feel free to
let your friends know about this site so they can join in the fun!
I will add more laughs when I can, be sure to add this page to your favorites and
check back often. And if you are still a little down, see the Motivational Quote of the week
on my Home Page.
Now you can find information on topics ranging from ACNE to YOGA at The Knowledge Rooms.
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